I don’t have a problem.
So and so drinks WAY more than me.
I don’t drink every night.
I can quit whenever I want.
These are all the lies and half truths I told myself on a daily basis when I was drinking. I would go out and get “Nanc drunk” (yes my name was/is used as a measurement of drunkenness), probably drive home, not remember a good portion of the night, and wake up wretchedly hung over. I would then sleep all day, ignoring the mountain of adulting and my kid for a day or so while I recuperated. It was an endless cycle. Oh sure I didn’t drink every day, in fact I went 2-3 days a week and didn't drink. Those were my days off. Every shift I worked I would find myself posted up at the bar after for “just one drink”. Well, “just one drink” turned into 4 or 5 drinks, turned into a westside dive bar, turned into another blacked out night and more reckless behavior.
I had gone to a few AA meetings on the really hungover days. Days that I woke up still drunk and didn't know how I was going to make it to work at 4pm. Days that my son at cereal and crackers for dinner because I was too hungover or drunk or not home to make him food. And it worked, for awhile, I would stay sober for a week or so but I would always convince myself that I was “better”. That I could “handle my alcohol” this time. And I would, for a few days. But I would always slip back into the weekly binge drinking and endless hangovers. Even after I ended up in the hospital with liver pain and getting saline bags for severe dehydration I didn't quit.
In January after a night of work I ended up getting behind the wheel after closing down the bar. The powers that be saw fit that I didn't get too hurt that night, but I landed myself into some serious legal troubles. While being on “forced sobriety” I had to basically relearn how to live my life. It was a shock to see just how much of my life revolved around alcohol and drinking and being hungover.
Right now I am learning how to be social and stay sober at the same time. In the beginning I secluded myself, went to work and home and cut off a lot of people in my life. Now I am trying to live my life as normally as possible, or what my new normal is. I hang out with friends, have bonfires, go to concerts, and do everything I used to, just without alcohol.
Coming out of the alcohol cloud was a rude awakening for me. I took a long hard look at my own life and what was going on in the industry I had grown up in. The normalcy of binge drinking and reckless behavior was terrifying. It was like we didn’t know how to function without alcohol. Every activity that we did, the beach, disc golf, bonfires, EVERYTHING included alcohol. And the number of times I witnessed people I cared about get behind the wheel after having a few too many was terrifying. This realization was how Beer City Recovery was born. In an effort to find people in the industry who might be worried about their drinking/drug habits and bring them together in a safe place to talk about them and work through them to find a solution. Like minded people with like problems talking and brainstorming on how to solve them.
A lot of people have asked me if I will start drinking again when I am “legally” allowed to. When I first quit drinking he answer was a resounding YES! Now, the longer I go and the better I feel and the clearer my head gets makes me take stock in my life. I personally have proved time and time again to myself and others that I can not drink “normally”. I am an all or nothing kinda gal.
By being open about my problems and recovery I hope I can inspire people to get help if they have been thinking about it. Your life isn't over you can get help.